Well, I didn't get to write last night because Charlie was on my computer. Yesterday was very busy at work. I have a bunch of quotes to do and I am writing policies. The best part of yesterday was my commission statement. My renewals are back! I went 4.5 months without a renewal check, with no explanation from management. FINALLY I have a decent paycheck. I need tires, my dog is sick so, there it goes.
Olivia, the cocker, left with me by an idiot when he walked out the door. "She loves you" he stated. She has been with me for almost 5 years, and is steadily fading. She is having problems walking, her bouts with diarrhea are increasing and she is a bag of bones. I love watching her curl up in a ball and just sleep, oblivious to what is around her. She has her favorite spot, directly in front of the stove. Everyone has to walk over her to move around the kitchen. I think she secretly likes to inconvenience the family. She jogs back into the house after she goes outside hoping for a treat. Olivia is very sweet and has had a good life since she moved in with us. Charlie is going to be devastated when she finally leaves us.
My food management is going great. This Slimming World seems like a good decent plan, let's see what happens at weigh in.
I am having a lot of problems breathing. My chest gets tight and I start coughing. I hope that I am not getting pneumonia again. I have to remember to call the doctor....
Oh well, Charlie has no school today. This weather is ridiculous. I can't believe how cold it is. It is just like New England, only the houses aren't insulated correctly. I am not looking forward to going outside.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Day two
Today was a great day. I actually felt like I looked half way decent this morning. I had a black dress on with a Missook jacket, tights and black Nike Air Pumps. I had to rush to the office and finish up the policies for Mr. K. I am busy at work, a very good sign. Drove out to Melissa. I had never been out there, though I think that when we drove to TX from MA, we went by there. I can't believe all the construction on 121. The interchange is going to be ENORMOUS! You can see that there are ramps all over the place.
Melissa is really nice and quiet. I enjoyed the ride, and had a wonderful chat with my client. He was very friendly and told me some stories about when he operated a towing service for AAA in So. California. I saw pictures of him with the tow truck that had the AAA symbol on it. This is the one part of my job I really love, talking to people and getting to know them, building relationships. I wish I had more friends here. It is so different from MA> Back east, you could just stop over some one's house, and you would always feel welcome. Here, you have to call, make an appointment, blah blah blah. I miss the neighborly feeling.
I hope to make more friends this year. This is my resolution. I really am lonely and miss the companionship of having someone to visit and talk to.
Well the new eating plan is going well. I didn't feel hungry all day, and in fact actually enjoyed my meals. I went dumpster diving at the Kroger next door. This is a term my mom and I use when we search out food that has been marked down. I got little gourmet cucumbers, broccoli, spring mix, crackers, cottage cheese, cream cheese, some chopped up peppers, bacon all for $18!
I was feeling pretty smug about it, but when I got home, my mom had the same stuff! Pretty funny. Mom cooked a bunch of food for me. She got the recipes on the group website. The corn chowder was great. I gave her a hug. She has a good heart and is very helpful to me.
I have 3 people coming in tomorrow for policies. I am feeling pretty confident that I might have a great month. I could use a boost. Well, time to relax with Charlie. I am looking forward to a new day.
Melissa is really nice and quiet. I enjoyed the ride, and had a wonderful chat with my client. He was very friendly and told me some stories about when he operated a towing service for AAA in So. California. I saw pictures of him with the tow truck that had the AAA symbol on it. This is the one part of my job I really love, talking to people and getting to know them, building relationships. I wish I had more friends here. It is so different from MA> Back east, you could just stop over some one's house, and you would always feel welcome. Here, you have to call, make an appointment, blah blah blah. I miss the neighborly feeling.
I hope to make more friends this year. This is my resolution. I really am lonely and miss the companionship of having someone to visit and talk to.
Well the new eating plan is going well. I didn't feel hungry all day, and in fact actually enjoyed my meals. I went dumpster diving at the Kroger next door. This is a term my mom and I use when we search out food that has been marked down. I got little gourmet cucumbers, broccoli, spring mix, crackers, cottage cheese, cream cheese, some chopped up peppers, bacon all for $18!
I was feeling pretty smug about it, but when I got home, my mom had the same stuff! Pretty funny. Mom cooked a bunch of food for me. She got the recipes on the group website. The corn chowder was great. I gave her a hug. She has a good heart and is very helpful to me.
I have 3 people coming in tomorrow for policies. I am feeling pretty confident that I might have a great month. I could use a boost. Well, time to relax with Charlie. I am looking forward to a new day.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day One - Control
Ok, of course I got up exhausted this morning. I managed to get ready, get Charlie to school then went to work. A funny thing happened at work, I was super busy and very motivated to do well today. I think that if I stay focused this month, I might just have a great selling month. I stayed focused, only goofed off a little and did 6 quotes. I didn't finish everything I wanted to, but hey, it was ok.
I left around 6:30 PM to go to Slimming World USA. Of course, I was nervous and wanted to sit in the parking lot watching who went in. I didn't though, and when I walked into the room, Yvonne the group leader came tearing across the room to meet me. She was very British, very friendly, and looked like the 2 women who do the what not to wear type show in England. The program seems easy and actually makes sense. After she explained it to us, the meeting started. Two people came from England, Roberto, who lost over 300 lbs and Rebecca Wheatly, an actress who lost 170 lbs. WOW, they were both so enthusiastic.
I was OK with everything until I had to get in line to weigh in. I started to think about how crazy I have become, the crying, the emotions, and how FAT I felt... I had no idea about my weight, and started to dread the moment. Of course, I get up there, and there is a problem with the computer. After several attempts to get it to work, Yvonne told me to step on the scale. I could feel my eyes filling up, I gained EVERY POUND I HAVE LOST BACK! I am 35 to 40 pounds overweight, I started to cry. Yvonne immediately jumped up and hugged me. I was so embarrassed, but I knew that those tears would make my resolve stick.
I gathered my things went to the car and drove home. I thought about how lonely I am, and how I feel so awful about myself, the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. By the time I got home, I knew that I could not nor would I let these feelings overpower me. This year has to be different, I owe it to myself and to Charlie...
I left around 6:30 PM to go to Slimming World USA. Of course, I was nervous and wanted to sit in the parking lot watching who went in. I didn't though, and when I walked into the room, Yvonne the group leader came tearing across the room to meet me. She was very British, very friendly, and looked like the 2 women who do the what not to wear type show in England. The program seems easy and actually makes sense. After she explained it to us, the meeting started. Two people came from England, Roberto, who lost over 300 lbs and Rebecca Wheatly, an actress who lost 170 lbs. WOW, they were both so enthusiastic.
I was OK with everything until I had to get in line to weigh in. I started to think about how crazy I have become, the crying, the emotions, and how FAT I felt... I had no idea about my weight, and started to dread the moment. Of course, I get up there, and there is a problem with the computer. After several attempts to get it to work, Yvonne told me to step on the scale. I could feel my eyes filling up, I gained EVERY POUND I HAVE LOST BACK! I am 35 to 40 pounds overweight, I started to cry. Yvonne immediately jumped up and hugged me. I was so embarrassed, but I knew that those tears would make my resolve stick.
I gathered my things went to the car and drove home. I thought about how lonely I am, and how I feel so awful about myself, the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. By the time I got home, I knew that I could not nor would I let these feelings overpower me. This year has to be different, I owe it to myself and to Charlie...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Here we go again
Ok I am officially out of control. I am constantly tired, cranky, tear up at the drop of a hat. I am starting to hate myself, my life, my world. I don't know what to do. I have to get myself . together, and figure out what I want to do for work. Working at AAA then Market Street is draining all my energy.
I think my mood is so sour because I have gained weight and I have ZERO time to exercise or do anything for myself. I am going to try the Slimming World Diet tomorrow. This seems like a flexible plan, and I am hoping that getting this small piece of my life under control will push me to work on the other parts of my life.
I think that if I jot down my thoughts everyday, I might be able to focus and clear my head. I will give it a try and see if I can right the ship. I have to, I love my son and he doesn't need a psycho mom in his life.
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