Day One - Control

Ok, of course I got up exhausted this morning. I managed to get ready, get Charlie to school then went to work. A funny thing happened at work, I was super busy and very motivated to do well today. I think that if I stay focused this month, I might just have a great selling month. I stayed focused, only goofed off a little and did 6 quotes. I didn't finish everything I wanted to, but hey, it was ok.
I left around 6:30 PM to go to Slimming World USA. Of course, I was nervous and wanted to sit in the parking lot watching who went in. I didn't though, and when I walked into the room, Yvonne the group leader came tearing across the room to meet me. She was very British, very friendly, and looked like the 2 women who do the what not to wear type show in England. The program seems easy and actually makes sense. After she explained it to us, the meeting started. Two people came from England, Roberto, who lost over 300 lbs and Rebecca Wheatly, an actress who lost 170 lbs. WOW, they were both so enthusiastic.
I was OK with everything until I had to get in line to weigh in. I started to think about how crazy I have become, the crying, the emotions, and how FAT I felt... I had no idea about my weight, and started to dread the moment. Of course, I get up there, and there is a problem with the computer. After several attempts to get it to work, Yvonne told me to step on the scale. I could feel my eyes filling up, I gained EVERY POUND I HAVE LOST BACK! I am 35 to 40 pounds overweight, I started to cry. Yvonne immediately jumped up and hugged me. I was so embarrassed, but I knew that those tears would make my resolve stick.
I gathered my things went to the car and drove home. I thought about how lonely I am, and how I feel so awful about myself, the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. By the time I got home, I knew that I could not nor would I let these feelings overpower me. This year has to be different, I owe it to myself and to Charlie...